It was the autumn of 1841. About a year earlier, Regina Olsen had happily accepted a marriage proposal from her beloved Søren Kierkegaard, but now, without providing any proper explanation, he had broken off their engagement. Nothing helped to change his mind. A couple of years later, she became engaged to another and he began writing and publishing his (often provocative) works, which, in the years to come, would put Denmark on the map of Western philosophy. He died young, at the age of 42, and lived alone, seemingly indifferent to the joys and sorrows of romantic love - but only seemingly. His lost Regina was, in his eyes as good as dead – but not forgotten. Like a haunting ghost, the recollection of her hovers around many of his writings, indicative not only of his broken heart but, more significantly, of his philosophical interest in the nature of love.

When it comes to love, then, death is not necessarily the end; on the contrary, it can be seen as playing a crucial role in active, living love, Not only when it comes to love for a beloved who is absent (as in the case of Kierkegaard and Regina), but also when it comes to love for a beloved who is present. And indeed, according to Kierkegaard, for any love to be genuine, the lover must dance with death: the thought of it must be a constant companion to love. What does he mean by this?

The themes of love and death are interwoven into Kierkegaard’s entire oeuvre. As an existential philosopher, he is preoccupied with human temporality and finitude, and therefore death. As a Christian philosopher, he takes love to be the heart of human existence. And, as a romantic soul, he converges the two. This convergence between death and love is particularly apparent in two key points in his philosophy. Both in his religious analysis of love in Works of Love (1847) and in his existential analysis of faith in Fear and Trembling (1843), the lover is implicitly requested to think of his beloved and of death at the same time. In both, the thought of death functions to edify love. But how?

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"If you want your love to be true, Kierkegaard says, make sure that it is in no way concerned with yourself,  but rather with your beloved"

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To begin with, Kierkegaard identifies love with caring. At the root of the flow of emotions, longings and desires is the wish for the best for the beloved. Thus Kierkegaard believes that in order to fulfil its nature, love should be first and foremost focused on the person who is being loved. Accordingly, he presents the lover with a clear criterion for the purity of their love: if you want your love to be true, he says, make sure that it is in no way concerned with yourself,  but rather with your beloved. Beware that it is not – directly or indirectly, explicitly or implicitly – selfish.