What counts as a good life? Philosophers see this as a profound and complex question, but to much of the rest of the world, the answer is simple. Movies, TV shows, fairy tales, novels, songs, and the advice of generations of parents have all converged on a straightforward formula: Find “The One” and commit to The One. Get married, the story goes, and you will live happily ever after.  

For a long time, social scientists seemed to be peddling the same message. At first, though, their studies were not very sophisticated. That has changed lately. Now, the very best studies – and there are many of them – are showing something very different from what we have been led to believe.  

One of the key questions is, what happens to people’s happiness when they go from being single to getting married? As of 2012, there were already 18 studies that followed the same people for years, asking them repeatedly to report on their happiness. In a stereotype-shattering set of results, most of the studies showed that people were no happier after they married than they were before. In a few studies, people were asked how satisfied they were with their lives (rather than how happy), and in those studies, people who married reported a bit more satisfaction just after they married – what researchers call a “honeymoon effect” – but then their satisfaction steadily declined over time. Even that honeymoon effect was limited. Only the people who got married and stayed married enjoyed it. People who married and then divorced were already becoming less happy as their wedding day drew near.