Dividing her time between researching sexuality as New York University’s Adjunct Professor of Psychology and educating the public through her podcast, The Science of Sex, Zhana Vrangalova uncovers some of the assumptions and testimonies behind what good sex is. Her areas of interest range from casual and group sex to non-monogamous and non-heterosexual relationships. She runs The Casual Sex Project where people share their hook up stories. In this interview, Vrangalova goes into the ins and outs of what makes for good sex, scientifically.                                                                                                                        

Our August Issue is on The Good Life. From your research and reading, what is the role of sex in the good life? How much does sex matter in having a good life?

Sexuality is important to a lot of people, but not to everybody. Unlike other drives that we have, like food, water and sleep, we don’t die if we don’t have sex. And people come with different sex drives, ranging from the asexual to the highly sexual. And of course, the more sexual someone is, the more important that aspect is to their overall life satisfaction. But overall, research shows that sexual fulfilment is an important contributor to a sense of well-being and happiness.

But it’s not all sex that contributes to people’s sense of well-being. Rather, it’s good sex that brings happiness. From your research, what have you discovered that good sex means for different people?

Yes, sex comes in different qualities and varieties. Scientists have tried to decipher the different qualities of sex that make for a good experience. 

Some of those elements include things like feeling competent – which is feeling like you’re capable of pleasing your partner; another element is autonomy – the sense that you have control over what happens in a sexual situation; another factor is communication – obviously that contributes to getting the things you want and offering your partner the things they want. So a level of assertiveness is important to get what you want and to set the boundaries regarding the things you don’t want. Then there is relatedness – the extent to which you feel connected to the person you are engaging with sexually. People often interpret this last point to mean that good sex has to be in the context of a loving relationship. But a sense of connectedness can exist in a casual interaction as well.

And, as an aside, these are human needs that we have in everything that we do, not just sexually. Sex is no different from other activities in this respect.  

It seems like the factors you mentioned, such as confidence or relatedness, are quite subjective emotions. How challenging is it to scientists to measure these things? How far can scientists tell us about meaning?