The unexpected intimacy of sex work

We are trapped in our stories of love

The idea that an escort provides emotional as well as sexual intimacy is heresy to a traditional view of romantic relationships. But, writes Adelyn Moore, paid relationships create their own unique intimacy. A relationship that exists outside the demands and social norms of ordinary life can cut the pretence and offer a more honest and intense connection.

 

One of the things that shocked me, as an escort paid $2500 per hour to spend the night in the bed of Fortune 500 CEOs, was how little the clients flirted with me. There’s a confidence you see in a man who knows he already has you, who knows that no matter what he does or says, you’re his. There’s a certain confidence I see in men that I don’t think other women get to see – the way that you would only see in secret.

Critics of sex work generally think of it as lacking emotional intimacy, which can only come with long-term love. However, a relationship bounded by transaction can provide its own deep form of intimacy that you can’t find in the outside world. It’s allowed me to see my clients as someone they’ve known for a long time, often to a completely unorthodox level, unshielded to a stranger. This manifests in details they would never tell their closest friends or wives, treating me as they would an old friend, or letting me know what they don’t like about themselves, about sex, about dates.

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